#s 178, 179, 180, 181, 182 & 183 Rememberings

Accordion ball. Ah the memories.
Today was the first time in about five years that someone other than myself has cut my hair. This picture commemorates the event.




I think you could stay happy forever if you could remember to see the world the way you do when you are newly in love, if you could remember the brightness of everything, remember how much it aches just to see such beauty as surrounds you. I still remember the kind of happiness that hurt as if I was too poorly built to experience such joy, simple memories that still make my stomach turn and my breath deepen. If there is tantric sex that can stretch an orgasm out for hours than surly there must be some equivalent, some sort of tantric love.

We often protect ourselves from those things we ache for most. I am no exception.

A sensation overtakes me of floating off into space, quietly, slowly, helplessly. When, from time to time, I discover that I am still anchored down, however delicately, it is an unexpected feeling of relief, warmth washes over me and I feel like I still exist. Exist as just one person. Still here.

Do you know what it's like to try something that you forgot you loved to do? Something small that reminds you who you are and reminds you that you're really living right now and maybe your routine is the worst crime you've ever committed? Sometimes I feel that way about thinking, like a good hard look at things is long overdue. I remind myself what it was like as a teenager realizing you're the one who decides who you're going to be, life looming, terrifying before you. Where has that feeling of awe gone? It has not been such a long time, why do I see so many limitations now, so many compromises?

As promised, pictures of students playing around in circus costumes. I realize that these pictures almost completely don't match up with what I've written here.